We’ve all heard in church
and in Sunday school growing up: God’s thoughts are not our thoughts and His
ways are not our ways. On an
intellectual level, it’s not hard for me to accept this word of God. The Almighty One, omnipotent and all-knowing
is surely beyond my measly comprehension and I truly wouldn’t expect it to be
otherwise. It’s when the rubber meets
the road and God’s plan is different that my (or our, in this case) plan and it
takes me away from my comfort zone that my faith sometimes takes massaging for
me to be able to move forward. As Joanna
said in her earlier post, we’ve always known we would adopt and we’ve had a
plan in place, a plan that I was immensely comfortable with. We would have 5, no wait, 4 kids of our own
(if you had experienced your first two kids being seriously colicky you would
know why #5 got cut) and then look to adopt.
It was a very satisfying, low-stress plan to parenthood that we would
easily be able to handle and without a doubt we’d be awesome parents to all of
our well-adjusted, respectful, physically-fit, musically inclined, moderately
genius, full-scholarship offered, all-around adorable brood of kids.
No foreshadowing required,
God had a different plan. From the very
moment I saw young Koen’s picture, my heart just yearned for him and had a hole
bored in it that any dad can understand would only be filled by trying to take
care of this little boy. Nevermind that
between our three children (ages 3, 2 and 5 months) dictating our nights and
early mornings, my demanding job and Joanna’s busy internship dictating so much
of our days or her night classes that made me a single father 3 nights a week
we were already strained to what we figured were the limits; we wanted to reach
out to this child and let him know that there is indeed love for him in this
world and there is a family that so desires him. Mentally, I knew adoption, much less FOREIGN
ADOPTION to be a horrible choice given all the demands on our time and a
terrible stressor to add on top of all the other things we’ve had going on. When
I wrote to ask for more information, I was so sure that this was not something
that we needed to be doing . . . I mean seriously, we’ve just gotten over the
crazy nights with a newborn and we’re going to throw something ELSE into the
mix?? Goodbye date night! Wait, why was I actually asking for
information?? If I let my mind do the
talking, we would have gone running down the road as fast as our feet could
hustle to get away from the possibility of adopting right now. But God whispered “ask . . . find out what I
have for you. Step out in faith, I’ll
show you the way.” And already in that
small act of obedience we have been so blessed.
As Joanna and I have learned
over the years (ask us about our house hunting sometime), if we sit by and ask
God where to go and wait for a tremendous thunderclap and the clouds to part
just enough to show a white dove flitting down with a hand-written note from
God that gives us His answer before we’ll move, well, we might be waiting a
while. We’ve learned to take that first
tentative step toward the goal but to ask God for His guidance, for Him to
close those doors that would take us away from His will and to open those that
would bring us closer. Mind you, this is
not always an easy thing for me to do, especially when I know that His will and
His plan is going to challenge my world, challenge me and take me out of my
comfort zone to rely more and more on him.
Our first step in this case was to seek out more information but even as
I was typing the note to email out, there was a certainty in my spirit that we
were indeed going to head down this road (many years earlier that I wanted!!)
and that if this adoption was going to be successful, it had to be a God thing
not a Paki-and-Joanna thing.
Looking at the picture of
little Koen, I had a feeling that he’d be in Eastern Europe where there was
(and is) currently a lot of turmoil. In
fact I had a chuckle to myself: Lord, this is going to just crack me up if he
is there. When we got the email response
back the next day, sure enough we find out that Koen is indeed living in Eastern Europe. What a sense of humor our Lord has! To be honest, I was more than a bit relieved
with that knowledge. There was a part of
me that was hoping that this was God closing a door and sticking more with the
Gomes plan. Ha! No such luck!
As Joanna and I researched and dove head first into learning everything
we could, we found out that we would both have to travel to Europe to complete
the adoption. As a military member, I
have to get permission before overseas travel and as it turns out, travel for
me to that region was expressly prohibited (Is THIS the closed door Lord??) and
it began to look like our foray would come to a fast ending. Joanna was saddened but encouraged that we
would have a clear opportunity to learn God’s will in this process. As we prayed and asked for His will to be
done, Joanna learned of an exception that would only require her to travel to
complete the court proceedings and just like that God said “see, I am more than
sufficient.”
As we’ve prepared our
hearts, our household and our family for young Koen, Joanna and I have done
everything we can to let Kahiapo, Kale’a and Konale know that they are getting
an older brother. The hearts of little
children being what they are it seemed like the only question our two oldest
asked was “when?” They’ve learned that
Koen lives far, far away (over two oceans, even farther than Grandma and
Grandpa!!) and that mommy will have to go on an airplane to go get him to bring
him home. Whether he knows it or not,
little Koen is now part of Kahiapo and Kale’a’s world. They pray for him every night and when we buy
clothes or toys they always make sure that we’re getting something to share with
him. The most endearing was when I came home after traveling a week for work,
Joanna and the kids came to get me at the airport. The first question out of Kahiapo’s mouth
after giving me GREAT daddy hugs was “where’s Koen?” He had assumed that because I was going on an
airplane, I would be bringing him home with me.
There were (and still are)
so many things that says this process will not work, CANNOT work and we
shouldn’t even bother trying. Whether
it’s mountains of paperwork to be done and re-done (I never knew that the
notary process could be so . . . PARTICULAR), the many changes in our life that
we are already going through or the upcoming family move that I’ve got by
myself while Joanna is traveling to Europe, we have become comfortable in
knowing that it is in God’s hands.
Regardless of the outcome, I’ve already learned so much about myself, my
wife and my family and more importantly, I’ve grown to trust Him even more.
Isaiah 55:8-11
8 “For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my
ways,” declares the Lord. 9 “As the
heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my
thoughts than your thoughts. 10 As the
rain and the snow come down from heaven, and do not return to it without
watering the earth and making it bud and flourish, so that it yields seed for
the sower and bread for the eater, 11 so is my word that goes out from my
mouth: It will not return to me empty, but will accomplish what I desire and
achieve the purpose for which I sent it.”
